The Velora method
What we teach, how we teach it, and the research we build on.
Relationship skills can be learned. Almost no one teaches them.
We learn how to work, drive and manage money. Rarely how to start a conversation, say what we feel or recognise a relationship that's right for us. So we improvise, follow contradictory advice, or turn to pickup methods built on manipulation rather than connection.
Contradictory advice
Between viral videos and one-size-fits-all formulas, it's hard to know what's actually backed by evidence.
Theory without practice
Reading about confidence isn't enough. It's built through repeated action, at your own pace.
Exhausting apps
Lots of chats, few real meetings, and the feeling you're not showing who you really are.
A method that separates what we know from what we think
In every lesson, important claims are labelled. You always know whether you're reading a research finding, an observation, a testimony, an interpretation or practical advice.
Across a series of studies, people who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were rated as more likeable by their conversation partners.(Huang et al., 2017)
A follow-up question shows you were listening. That signal of attention, more than the question itself, is probably what people appreciate.
In your next conversation, pick up on at least two details the other person has just mentioned.
The five types of claim
- Research finding
- Observation
- Testimony
- Interpretation
- Practical advice
A coach that knows you, and stays honest
It draws on your profile, your progress and the program content. It helps you communicate authentically, never to manipulate.
I have a first date tomorrow night and I'm nervous. We've only talked on the app.
That's a normal reaction before meeting someone for the first time. For tomorrow: pick a quiet place where you feel at ease, keep two or three topics from your chats in mind, and set yourself one goal: finding out whether you enjoy each other's company, not impressing them. Shall we rehearse how the conversation might start?
What it puts first
- Authenticity
- Respect and consent
- Your boundaries and other people's
- Compatibility
It won't help deceive, pressure or exploit anyone.
Two tracks, one shared foundation
The men's and women's tracks share most of the program. They differ in some examples, exercises and situations, especially around dating apps and safety. Examples also adapt to the person you'd like to meet.
Grounded in research, without overstating it
The content draws on published work in social psychology and relationship science. Every source is checked before it's cited, and its limitations are stated.
Some of the research behind the program
- Huang, K., Yeomans, M., Brooks, A. W., Minson, J., & Gino, F. (2017)It doesn't hurt to ask: Question-asking increases likingJournal of Personality and Social Psychology
- Boothby, E. J., Cooney, G., Sandstrom, G. M., & Clark, M. S. (2018)The liking gap in conversations: Do people like us more than we think?Psychological Science
- Epley, N., & Schroeder, J. (2014)Mistakenly seeking solitudeJournal of Experimental Psychology: General
- Eastwick, P. W., & Finkel, E. J. (2008)Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: Do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner?Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
- Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012)Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological sciencePsychological Science in the Public Interest
- Montoya, R. M., Horton, R. S., & Kirchner, J. (2008)Is actual similarity necessary for attraction? A meta-analysis of actual and perceived similarityJournal of Social and Personal Relationships
- Eastwick, P. W., Finkel, E. J., Mochon, D., & Ariely, D. (2007)Selective versus unselective romantic desire: Not all reciprocity is created equalPsychological Science
What the research doesn't confirm
"Power posing" became hugely popular. Yet a larger study did not find the hormonal effects originally reported (Ranehill et al., 2015). We'd rather tell you than sell you a trick.
No testimonials yet: the program hasn't launched. We'll only publish reviews from real customers, with their consent.